You just made me feel so damn special
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize