Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
