This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
