I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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