I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize