Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
