In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
