did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
