Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
