what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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