I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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