Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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