she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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