I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
