the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
