I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize