she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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