i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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