Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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