I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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