i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
