i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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