part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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