A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
