I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
