Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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