Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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