Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
