Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I would ride that face into the sunset
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
