She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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