I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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