Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
