i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
