So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
