Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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