I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Farmville is her only friend.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
