So drunk, too bad you don't want this
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
