I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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