We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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