Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize