Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
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