Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
