We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
