Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
