Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
