i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
