I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
