:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize