good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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