Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize