somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
