it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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