I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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