I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
