Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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