So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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