I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
