im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I think your dad took our porno
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
