Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
