I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
