i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
this just has baby written all over it
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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