Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
