wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
