Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
