I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
