Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Randomize
