Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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