First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
