My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
